she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
