Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
MIDGETS
????
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
