the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
