im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
