i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
