please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
