if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
