The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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