well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
