he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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