would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
