Umm I'm too high to move.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I cannot find my penis.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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