i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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