My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
