i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
