i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
