So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
