This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
