if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
