You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
