He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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