those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
