my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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