i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
