Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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