best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You're like the curious george of whores
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
