We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is the high leading the old right now
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
