Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
