he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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