Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize