i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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