She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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