She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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