so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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