A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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