At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
