Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
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