I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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