My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
