discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
