he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
