I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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