Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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