70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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