i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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