eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
