I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
