The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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