I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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