The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
