He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
