don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
