I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
