Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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