After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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