cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
