Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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