Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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