So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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