Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
