I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
