Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
