Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
