You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
