So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
