My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
