Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
