Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
