I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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