i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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