lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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