is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
