Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Randomize
