I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
