We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
