i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
