I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
