yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
