you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
