FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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