She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
