You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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