Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
