"it" just moved
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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