i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
