you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
